To Begin

This is the only option I have left. I need to turn my life around, starting with quitting smoking, and gradually losing weight.

I started smoking in October 2007. I, stupidly, wanted to attract the attention of a guy. My plan was to have him ask me for a light, and have the relationship progress from there. It worked, to a point. We're friends, but he has a girlfriend now.

(I'm still crazy about him.)

But I respect myself, my health, more than I like him. I have to. If he's not there for me now, he may never be. Jesus,

I was never this stupid before. My friends and I used to bitch that women would go through hell (being beaten up, changing their weight, whatever) for a guy they thought they loved. Now I've managed to do the same.

That's changing, starting now. In steps, I'm going to get back to loving myself, taking good care of myself, this year. I haven't smoked in a week. I'm going to keep this up.