Stats

CW: 205.2 lbs
BMI: 35.2

I guess last night wasn't the best time to weigh myself. I'll be disappointed when I return to the UK - different scale, so different weight, etc. In any event, a loss is a loss.

Still haven't smoked. It gets tough sometimes - I don't want to make the public quitting announcement until I'm sure. Of course, if it were a public decision, I'd be more compelled to stick to it... but I don't want to feel compelled. I want it to be my choice, and I want to pat myself on the back for always making the good one.

My primary goal at the moment is to drink more water. Its probably the easiest thing I could do that would make the biggest difference to my overall health. Hydration really helps all the internal organs, the skin, and helps flush fat out the system. I'll be good.

Dream

I feel I should also mention the sudden desire to change my life.

I had a dream last night. It was going well, until I lit a cigarette (in the dream) and then coughed myself awake. It was really bizarre.

Bronchitis had never been something I'd dealt with before. I've had it at least twice in the past year; apparently the average smoker has it 4 times a year! Its miserable, and I feel no need to put up with it again, if it can be helped.

I'm worried about going back to uni. Its tough to not smoke around the department, but I guess I won't be seeing them until February, probably. If I can get enough time and weight behind me, I'll be less tempted, I hope.

Stats

CW: 209.4 lbs
BMI: 35.9 - Obese

GW1: 200 lbs (BMI: 34.3 - Obese)
FGW: 130 lbs (BMI: 22.3 - Healthy)

So I have about 80 lbs to lose. I should remember to take this one day at a time. That this struggle will continue for over a year, perhaps over two or more. The important thing is to keep improving. Always.

To Begin

This is the only option I have left. I need to turn my life around, starting with quitting smoking, and gradually losing weight.

I started smoking in October 2007. I, stupidly, wanted to attract the attention of a guy. My plan was to have him ask me for a light, and have the relationship progress from there. It worked, to a point. We're friends, but he has a girlfriend now.

(I'm still crazy about him.)

But I respect myself, my health, more than I like him. I have to. If he's not there for me now, he may never be. Jesus,

I was never this stupid before. My friends and I used to bitch that women would go through hell (being beaten up, changing their weight, whatever) for a guy they thought they loved. Now I've managed to do the same.

That's changing, starting now. In steps, I'm going to get back to loving myself, taking good care of myself, this year. I haven't smoked in a week. I'm going to keep this up.